Go forward with a perfect brightness of hope!

I hope I never forget how difficult life was for us, from the time Ben turned 12 until he was about 15 years old… Three rather long years during which the turbulence of adolescence threw my boy into tumultuous seas, high tides of turmoil and pools of low self-esteem… Being a teenager with autism is most certainly a challenging feat.

I hope I never forget the meltdowns, the crying jags that could last hours on end, sometimes a whole morning or afternoon, until Ben would just collapse from exhaustion… My poor boy in the grips of low self-confidence and further lost in the world of autism, shut out from everyone, unable to explain his thoughts or express his feelings...

I hope I never forget because so much has changed since then… Ben is so much more at peace now. I pray that the darkest days are now behind us. All through those trials of faith, I never lost the hope that my beloved son would somehow find his way out. “The only way out is the way through”, my mantra became my life line during those dark, difficult days. You know what I am alluding to if you have ever held a sobbing child, soul wrenched by the sorrow overtaking them, unable to calm the troubling and unexplainable sadness which besets them… Yes, truly those were dark moments when the storm seemed to relentlessly rage inside and outside of us all.

So why would I want to remember? Because we made it through, by the grace and unending love of God, we traversed the valley of the shadows of death and came out alive. Alive, but changed, somehow for the better, all of us, parents and siblings alike.

I want to remember the sorrows so I can more fully enjoy our present joys and Ben’s triumphs. I want to remember the pain so I can relish the peace we now feel more abundantly. Ben is turning 19 next month. He will be graduating from seminary as well as from high school. He has thoroughly enjoyed being captain of his soccer, floor hockey and softball teams all season long. Tonight he is departing on his long awaited “senior trip” with his dad; I know he will love Orlando and its endless marvels.

My little boy is not so little anymore. My sad boy is not so despondent any longer. We still have difficult days but they are a rarity rather than the norm; I am so extremely grateful for that!

I love you so, Ben! You have transformed all of us. I look forward to continuing on this journey, which I would never have chosen, but which I am privileged to take with you as my guide.

Ben’s future holds many wonderful opportunities, including preparing to receive the Melchizedek priesthood and serving a young Church service mission...

...continuing his vocational technical formation and just enjoying all that Heavenly Father will see fit to bless him with. I know that my once small non-verbal child has blossomed into a tall, smart and service-minded young man.

I am ever so grateful for the ride, Ben J